No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
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