What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
Randomize
