I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
Randomize
