When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
Ive seen teh same guy pissing in the corner. Twice. Its eally weird. My frieds gonna do th funnel. Im so excited for her! Love, cori. Cuz its lik a diary.
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
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