textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
Randomize
