We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
Pissing in la rieve gfox. Jer zsyuis diu drunk but it felt amazunbg
Dans le librearie ivetre. Hjhaha
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
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