what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
Do you have any idea how hard it is to cum to Chingy?!
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
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