If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
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