I wanna passion pit in your ass
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
Randomize
