Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
used his ipod to set the mood...1st song was livin on a prayr 2nd song was disco stick
i expected more from guys that i meet at the jersey shore.
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
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