it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
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