Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
Randomize
