Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
The beers last night were like the tears from god
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize
