Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
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