Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
I can feel your judgement through the phone
Randomize
