And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
We're not piercing ourselves today.
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
Randomize
