I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
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