ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
Randomize
