What tipped you off? The sombrero?
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
