Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(586): View more from Michigan

I need a shot of tequila, and quick death

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(505): View more from New Mexico

I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.

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(440): View more from Ohio

you were so drunk you slurred your pauses

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(513): View more from Ohio

So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.

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(724): View more from Pennsylvania

i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.

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(321): View more from Florida Space Coast

Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.

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(808): View more from Hawaii

I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.

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(410): View more from Maryland

69'd by candlelight when the power went out.

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(941): View more from Florida

& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....

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