All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
the gays at disneyland are vicious
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
Randomize
