They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
Randomize
