I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
Randomize