yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
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