I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
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