Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
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