dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
Randomize