I hate your face
walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
Randomize
