Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
Randomize
