You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
Randomize
