please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
Randomize
