i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
I want to fling myself into the sun
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
Randomize
