So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
Randomize
