no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
so while we were having sex, he stuck it in my but, and when he finished he goes next time can we have anal. i don't know if that means im tight or my butt hole is loose, i choose to think the first one
this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
Damn victory sex feels great
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
Randomize
