Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
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