I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
She made me pour olive oil on her.
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