dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
Randomize
