hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
I'm sobbing to NWA
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
Randomize
