I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
Randomize
