remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
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