Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
how drunk are you?
Several
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
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