At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
