mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
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