HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
Randomize
