Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
Randomize
