I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
Randomize
