Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
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