All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
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