i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
Hello my rib-scented angel!
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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