so while we were having sex, he stuck it in my but, and when he finished he goes next time can we have anal. i don't know if that means im tight or my butt hole is loose, i choose to think the first one
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
Randomize
