Don't you send me to vm
Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
Randomize
