the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
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