she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
Randomize
