You would DIE at the bar we're at right now. All indian/asian med students, I swear
Asian doctor ratio. So hot. I would've gone into heat
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
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