i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
Randomize
