woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
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