Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
Randomize
