i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
Randomize
