Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
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