If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
if you need to find her look her up on www.imastupidslut.org
.org?
yeah. they're non profit. helps them sleep at night.
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
Randomize
