I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
Randomize
