He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
Randomize
