eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
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