The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
Randomize
