Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(863): View more from Florida

I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..

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(703): View more from Virginia

I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?

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(574): View more from Indiana

i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone

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(905): View more from Ontario

He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer

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(515): View more from Iowa

The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.

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(410): View more from Maryland

So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.

(443): View more from Maryland

YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?

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(914): View more from New York

She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?

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(847): View more from Illinois

Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.

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(905): View more from Ontario

She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.

(1-905): View more from Ontario

So thats where i built my buckingham palace

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