First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
Randomize
