even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
Randomize