I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
Randomize
