just saw a prosititute with a baby stroller...question is...if the baby wakes up is the blow job free?
I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
Randomize
