Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
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