how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
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