her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
It's no shave November. This is our time.
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Randomize
