that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
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