You know, I didn't realize this at the time, but it appears that I am being "heavily petted" by 3 grown men in that pic.
If these were biblical times then you'd be a Roman Senator.
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
Randomize
